hEmo2~

Salaam..

Post ni emo, kalo xsanggup jgn bce, stop NOW~ :P

(hee, gurau je la..)

Yang ini menekan, yang itu men'stress'kan.

Yang ini menyesakkan, yang itu menserabutkan.

Yang ini mendesak, yang sana meminta.

So, where do I stand?

Rewind blik what happen arini 3..2..1.. action~

Lps blk trenin demo, da rse len mcm. Rse berat, rse nk rebah tp bkn fizikal rs itu dtg dr dalam. Tahan2, dlm kete ramai org. Ti diorg pelik pulak. Then drop sume org kt kafe, I drove alone to the car park. Beres je parking, bukak radio n sob sob sob dlm kete (mcm tah pape je kn~) Makin lama air mata makin deras. Kenapeee ni? Aduh. TAK TAHU! Suddenly evrytin yg depressing & menekankn jiwa selama ni dtg satu2 dlm kepala. Tula padahnya byk simpan dlm, semua meletup tanpa kawalan. Ambik kau. Tp bknla besa pon mslhnye, ish3~ At the same time, igt muke my mom. Oh pttla, I'm missing a face that usually makes all my problems fly away. I see. Actly this is one of the things that i cant understand bout myself. At the end of the day, i tend to cry uncontrollably without reason. Tiba2 je. Mayb sbb byk pendam? Latent heat. Haha :P Tgh sob3 tu tbe2 radio putarkn lagu yg semacam mahu memujuk.. Lgu Smile by Uncle Kracker. Xpenah dgr pn sblum ni, but suddenly i did smile. Time kaseh radio! Huu~

"Smile"

You're better than the best

I'm lucky just to linger in your life

Cooler than the flip-side of my pillow (that's right)

Completely unaware

Nothing can compare to where you send me

Let's me know that it's okay (yea, it's okay)

And the moments when my good times start to fade

You make me smile like a sun, Fall outta bed

Sing like a bird, Dizzy in my head

Spin like a record, Crazy on a Sunday night

You make me dance like fool, Forget how to breathe

Shine like gold, Buzz like a bee

Just the thought of you can drive me wild

Oh, you make me smile

Even when you don't

Somehow you come along just like a flower pokin through the sidewalk crack

And just like that

You steal away the rain

And just like that

Don't know how I lived without you

'Cuz everytime that I get around you

I see the best of me inside your eyes

You make me smile

You make me dance like fool, Forget how to breathe

Shine like gold, Buzz like a bee

Just the thought of you can drive me wild

Oh, you make me smile

(Oh, you make me smile)

Oh you make me smille

(Oh, you make me smile)

Oh you make me smille

*Suddenly teringat kt org yg always can make me smile, lately.. ;)

Pastu naek blik, rumet pon blik xlame pas tu. She realised i looked sad. Huhu. Tenkyuu eamy, kamu mmg salu leh detect when kite nangis :D Tp kite pn xmau bg dia bimbg, da la dia nk g kL mlm ni so biarla dia pegi dgn aman tanpa memikirkn rumet dia yg xstabil ni. Hehu~ Alhamdulillah, ad hikmah jgk sekali2 dtg rasa resah mcm ni. Kite akan makin dekat dgn Dia, mungkin ni peringatan dr Dia spy kite xlalai or leka dr mengingati-Nya. Ya Allah, besarnya hikmah ujian-Mu. Kebetulan, ni mlm Jumaat. Jumaat, Sayyidul-Ayyam (Penghulu Segala Hari). Terima Kasih Ya Allah! Then time dinner, org len duk seronok2 sembang2 kosong but i cant fit in. Xde mood ah. Then diorg perasan.. Huk, sori ssgt korg. Disbbkn selera nk mkn pn xde sbnanye so kite blah awl dr meja tu so dat diorg xrse terganggu dgn mood pelik kite ni. Aduhai~ Xtahu la, secara kasar npk mcm mood ni dtg tanpa sebab. Tp actly, terlalu byk sbb terpendam yg buat mood ni dtg. Kot. I guess.. :) Dan xdinafikan, mungkin ad kate2 kasar yg tidak diduga telah diterima td lalu menusuk hati menyebabkn luka lama yg kecil menjadi besar. Bertahan2, xde org ajar kamu jd lemah.

Urm, mlm ni ad meeting dgn org ini & org2 itu. Kalo ikt hati xmau kelua blik. Muke ketat je. Tp xboleh, ti langgar amanah lak ponteng miting tnpa sbb. Huhu. Reedah aje la~ Berat kepala, adoi2. I can never lose direction, not this time please~

sMiLe.... :) ;) :D

Mengenali Memahami.. Satu Pandangan.

Salaam..

Arini xde kls, sok cuti, lusa tulat weekend. It's only the 1st week of the semester, so nothin much to do i mean in terms of academic work. Seb baek ad trenin demo, or else i'd feel so useless helpless lifeless n ape2 less lg la~ So now,what do we do.. mari kite ketuk2 papan kekunci ni ikut suke hati kite~ Topik kli ni, mengenali dan memahami org. Eceh, skema sungguh :P

Ok well kite manusia xleh idup sengsorg. Msti kne ad teman. Kite ad famly, yes. Itu mmg Allah da kurniakn sejak kite lahir, alhamdulillah, or else cane lak kite leh dilahirkn i mean counting on normal process of life la. And then as we grow, we find others which are not bonded by blood with us which we call as friends, shbt, kwn, rite? Then each time we meet new friend, it'll take time utk kite knl n phm org tu cane. Mustahil kite leh btol2 knl sumone tu in just..what? one day..no. one week..still no. one month..i dont think so. one year..boleh la kot~ Pastu kite akan adapt ourself to suit it with our friends. Yg mne kite rse leh masuk, kite geng la dgn kwn tu. Yg kurg sket, kite kwn bese2 je. Then yg xleh pg langsung tu, depends r masing2 ad yg menjauh cmtu je (sy kot?) ad yg kontek seldom2 kn. So why do i berceloteh sal ni? Hee~ Recenlty mcm terpikir la, stiap kli jmpe org baru, kwn baru msti kite kne stat dr awl kenal2 tny itu ini. Try to discover her/him, wondering this n that about our friend. Proses perkenalan which for me satu proses yg signifikan jgk. Coz len org len ragamnye. And as time goes by, we settle down n the friendship becomes more easy, comfortable, close, prominent and ape2 je la xtau nk letak adjective pe dh. But as always, the early stage is actly not an easy phase 4 me. Why? Coz i have a very strong desire to know about other people. To understand how they think, how they react, what they like, what they despise, what makes them happy or sad or terrified~ I tend to be over curious. Hah, scary is it? But i try my best not to show it. To take it easy in front of others, but what's on my mind? U can never guess. Hee~ Kalo x abes sume org cuak kn, pe kes dak ni psiko2 lak nk tau sal org len. And then thats why most of the time, i feel so unsatisfied when i cant read people. Yes, actly i'd rather discover people by reading them silently rather than asking them questions. Tp yela, kdg2 kne tny la jgk kn kite ni bknnye bisu :P

Among the people which i've encountered.. maaacam2 jenis. Ad yg suke share their feelings, problems, life issues with me smp kite rs dia dgn kite cam xde rahsia dh. Haha. I think i'm a gud listener KOT? Kwn yg cmni senang sy nk msuk, coz i dont have to reli say anything about me. I juz listen and respond to them and not much talking to b done. Hee~ But then ad jgk yg ooover ramah smp sy rse penat nk dgr. Eh yes, listening CAN be tiring u know. For me, talking too much is unhealthy, haha. Coz u tend to reveal ur own weaknesses, letting down ur guards all over u. This only apply to those yg sembang2 kosong la. If ad input, go on la its ok sy suke dgr info2 baru neh~ :) But all d same, kwn nyer psl so kite diam je la dgr dgn kepale angguk2 tp sumtimes kepala dh merewang ke len. Haha, kantoi~ Maaf la, actly i tend to lost in my own thoughts kalo xminat dgr sumtin yg people ckp but still my body language indicates that i'm listening. Hehe, bijak x? Ok enuff yg ni. Next, ad pulak jenis susa nk share pape dgn org. Mostly this kind kdg2 makes me frustrated, hee~ Yes, bcos i might think that i failed in understading her/him. But then at least i understand sumtin, kwn ni jenis yg suffer in silent. So kne approach care lain la, lain cane tuh? Huhu. Lalala~ And utk kes yg ni, i have to use my observation. Observe dgn mata... hati. Sbb mata shj xnpk ape yg kt dlm. Hee~ Then ad satu lg type, yg suuuke sgt tanya sal kite. Tny itu la ini la, asek taaanya je. Smpikn kite rse self-conscious la plak asek ckp sal dri sdri jek. If for me, i'll try my best to deviate the focus from talkin bout me to si penanya. Biar dia ckp sal dri dia plak. Hee~ So xde la byk sgt dia leh tny sal kite :P And actually i can share things easily, small2 things.. Neutral things :) But then i dont reli wanna talk about heavy things, sumtin deep about ME. Sungguh x aci kn? Psl org len nk tau, sal dri sdri nk simpan sorg2 lak. Haha. Well, i was born like that. Raised like that. Tp kalo pandai mengumpan, akan terbongkar jgk isi2 hati kt dlm ni. Huhu, xsuke sesi luahan perasaan~

And one more type.. the observer~ Jeng3. Yg ni xramai lg jumpe setakat ni. The observer ni sgt hebat. Though i dont really show off my emotions, yela kn korg kate muke kite ni seriuuus je, the observers ni still leh discover hidden things about me. Huhu~ Kesimpulannye, kite observe org pastu mesti ad org len akan observe kite balik. Harry Potter, may I borrow ur invisiblity cloak pls? But still, being too cautious all the time is tiring tough. So rilek2 suda~ Hee ;) Ad seorang ustaz ni penah kte, urat kt kepala sy tegang cz i'm always thinking. Thats why i selalu kne headache. Tp tu dlu la, skang da jarang headache :) Dan ustaz tu kte, sy pandai bace org. Haha. Yg tu wallahu'alam~

Hurm.. I can befriend people easily. Can b close to people who want2 to b close no matter who u are. I can b sweet can be sour but cannot be ikan sweet sour. I can b silent, can be cheerful. I can b caring, I can b ignorant. But all I know is i value friendship a lot. I appreciate those yg sudi contact2 me tny2 khabar ajak2 sembang cz i'm not the type to mingle a lot. Huhu. Terharu T_T Ad org pnh tegur sy, kalo dia xtegor dlu kt ym/sms/gtalk or watsoever la jarang2 je sy nk start conversation dlu. Huhuu~ MaaaF ssgt. Tp lame2 kwn2 pon da phm kot. So kalo nk chit-chat-chot PM je la. Xde hal nye :P (padahal ad jgk yg sy xreply buat senyap kaku gitu je kunun2 xde org dpn laptop, aduhai teruk gler ak neh :P) And also, kdg2 sy ter-over sweet dgn certain2 people haha, buat derk suda la ek. Ini bkn mengorat oke :P Selalu jgk ble org tgk comment2 kt friendster/facebook between me and sape2 yg npk agak 'mesra' mula la nk gosip2 buat cerita. Haih, itu tidak sihat ok. Dlm Islam pon xmenggalakkn gosip2 ni, sy igt lg sbb sy blaja dlm Islamic Studies last sem. Heh, tak sia-siaaa kite pay attention kt Ustaz Maalik tau ^_^ Lets consider that I'm neutral.. with everyone for now.. everyone except...? hahah. Ade except ke :P

Wee~ Bejaye gk updet blog. Eheh, saje je sbnanye tulis psiko2 cmni. Boring~ Ini luahan peribadi, bkn fakta berdasarkn buku text ke kitab ape2 ke. Hehe. Nk bace, bace. Xsuke, lupekan. Terasa, maafkn sy T_T

Ok, xmau ketuk kekunci dh. Thanks to spe2 yg sudi baca. Assalamualaikum wbt. :)

Fire and Ice

Fire and Ice

***

Some say the world will end in fire,
Some say in ice.
From what I've tasted of desire
I hold with those who favor fire.
But if it had to perish twice,
I think I know enough of hate
To say that for destruction ice
Is also great
And would suffice.

Robert Frost

so what are u. fire or ice? i still wonder. i guess, its complicated.

:)

wassalam~

Dear Fireflies... 

"Fireflies"

You would not believe your eyes

If ten million fireflies

Lit up the world as I fell asleep

Cause they'd fill the open air

And leave tear drops everywhere

You'd think me rude but I would just stand and

Stare

I'd like to make myself believe

That planet Earth turns, slowly

It's hard to say that I'd rather stay awake when I'm asleep

Cause everything is never as it seems

Cause I'd get a thousand hugs

From ten thousand lightning bugs

As they tried to teach me how to dance

A foxtrot above my head

A sock-hop beneath my bed

The disco ball is just hanging by a thread

(Thread, thread...)

I'd like to make myself believe

That planet Earth turns, slowly

It's hard to say that I'd rather stay awake when I'm asleep

Cause everything is never as it seems

(When I fall asleep)

Leave my door open just a crack

(Please take me away from here)

Cause I feel like such an insomniac

(Please take me away from here)

Why do I tire of counting sheep?

(Please take me away from here)

When I'm far too tired to fall asleep

(Ha-ha)

To ten million fireflies

I'm weird cause I hate goodbyes

I got misty eyes as they said farewell

(Said farewell)

But I'll know where several are

If my dreams get real bizarre

Cause I saved a few and I keep them in a jar

(Jar, jar, jar...)

I'd like to make myself believe

That planet Earth turns, slowly

It's hard to say that I'd rather stay awake when I'm asleep

Cause everything is never as it seems

(When I fall asleep)

[x2]

I'd like to make myself believe

That planet Earth turns, slowly

It's hard to say that I'd rather stay awake when I'm asleep

Because my dreams are bursting at the seams

++no matter where i go, my fireflies will always be there to light me up.after all,life is not easy++

bye2 umah, i'm off to campus for a bright new start. a new sem will start in a week time. what to expect? we'll see :)

esk blik utp. urgh~